Let others be who they are
With all their habits and patterns
With all their fears and tendencies

By criticising them or trying to fix them we basically go against their free will
We disrespect them on a deeper level
We are unconsciously trying to rid them of their dignity which is already shaken in so many ways

How would we feel if someone we care about would be constantly focusing on our dark sides?
If someone would tell us what we do wrong most of the time?
If someone we love withdraw their love because in their opinion we didn’t behave in a way they expected?

When this happens to me, my first unconscious reaction is like I’m contracting
I feel resistance towards them and I’m closing up
I don’t feel like spending time with them any more
It feels toxic in my belly when I think of them
Others may feel they need to protect themselves or attack, reflecting back what was thrown at them

Then I take time away and reflect on myself
Are there moments in my life when I do it too?
And the answer is: ofcorse Yes!
I do it not only to others but especially to myself
And I’m wondering how they must feel, perhaps similar to what I feel when they do it towards me

I began to see that when it does happen, it’s because I am temporarily unconscious and disconnected from my heart
I am already in a darkness, that’s why it’s so hard to see the light unless I turn my face towards it consciously
So if this is the case for myself, this must be the case for others too

Two unconscious people dwelling in a darkness don’t solve anything, they keep hurting one another, deeper and deeper until it can be too late to heal the damage

Expecting the other person to step out of this heavy, deluding fog first, is like putting the responsibility for our life into hands of a drunk man
Of corse it may happen and that’s great, but it’s not always the case

So what can we do then? How to take our power back?

We can do daily practice which will strengthen our awareness of the light in us and in others
Instead of focusing on dark stuff and the things we don’t like etc. we can consciously turn our attention towards things we enjoy, things and qualities we appreciate in us and in others

We can show others how much we care about them and communicate from our hearts about the issues we find, and how they make us feel, sharing and searching for the resolution together

We can take time and space for ourselves to reflect on things, to be honest with ourselves, to do something which brings us joy, to go to nature and simply slow down our rampaging mind and reconnect with our hearts

We can learn how to meditate and make it our daily practice

Focusing on appreciation rather than blame creates totally different energy inside of us and outside of us too
It creates the space where the healing occurs naturally

Focusing on the light in others helps them to see their own light too, and that’s when the true change organically happens

It doesn’t mean we stay in abusive relationships trying to naively invoke light in others as an opposite of fighting and criticizing!

In fact by focusing on the light within us first, by appreciating ourselves and honouring our boundaries, we become more clear about what we allow in our sacred space, we make better responses and choices that serve all involved

No matter how much we try, we can’t change others and wanting or trying to do so, it’s already a sign of a subtle abuse from our side!
Instead of growth it will bring only resistance

Healthy growth and progress in relationships happens in a space of acceptance and nourishment
All painful conflicts are here only to spark the desire in us for finding this space within us so we could share it with each other

Let other be and do your own practice
Let other be and make your own choices
Let other be and look after yourself

Share and communicate, speak your truth even if your heart shakes!

With love,

Malwina Stach